Dale: So you took the penis foods as an imitation of fuck her.
Kurt: No. I took her invitation of fuck her, as an invitation of fuck her.
Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier.
Kurt: You mean Hank.
Bobby Pellitt: Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.
Dale: At least your boss isn't sexually harassing you.
Kurt: Your boss is incredibly hot.
Dale: Don't talk about how hot she is.
Kurt: She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order thats not a proper meal.
Nick: It's cold to hot.
Detective: "You wanna explain why you were speeding?"
Nick: "I was drag racing."
Detective: "In a Prius?"
Nick: "I don't win a lot."
Nick: "You're gonna be our lookout."
Dale: "I'm gonna honk the horn six times."
Kurt: "Something much more subtle..."
Dale: "Four honks?"
Nick: "Can you honk once?"
Dale: "People honk once all the time - you're gonna be running in and out of the house..."
Nick: "The key to success is taking sh*t."
Dave: "You want one?"
Nick: "It's 8 o'clock in the morning."
Dave: "It's 18-year-old Scotch - you want a promotion, you gotta earn it."
Nick: (downs Scotch)
Dave: "I have decided who I want to be our new vice president of sales...me!"
Nick: "What did he say?"
Dave: "Nick? Please, we're in the middle of a meeting."
Nick: "Sorry."
Dave: "That's alright, I'll just attribute this to your drinking problem."
Nick: "You know that last month you made me work so late that I missed saying goodbye to my Gam-Gam?"
Dave: "I'm sorry, what?"
Nick: "My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her because she was very, very sick. You said if I left early I'd get fired - and she died before I made it to the hospital."
Dave: "I'm sorry."
Nick: "Thank you."
Dave: "I had no idea that you called your grandmother 'Gam-Gam.' (laughing hysterically) "Sorry. Sorry that you didn't get to say bye-bye to Gam-Gam..."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "I think I can help you boys."
Kurt: "Are you a businessman?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "Mother F**ker Jones."
Dale: "Your first name is 'Mother F**ker'?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "My real name is Dean."
Nick: "Dean Jones. That's the same name of the actor in 'Herbie and the Love Bug.'"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "I know who he is b***h. I can't walk around this f**kin neighborhood with that Disney-ass name."
Julia: "Let's have sex on top of her! Let's use her like a bed!"
Dale: "That's crossing the line!!!"
Kurt: "Your boss is incredibly hot."
Dale: "Don't talk about how hot she is."
Kurt: "I was looking at your boss. She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order - that's not a proper meal."
Nick: "It's cold to hot."
Dale: "So you took the penis foods as an invitation to f**k her?"
Kurt: "No, I took her invitation to f**k her, as an invitation to f**k her!"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "Most killers are first timers. You want to pull off a brilliant murder, you've gotta act like it's an accident. If you do it right, you ain't even gotta be there when it goes down."
Nick: "How are we supposed to fake three accidents?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "You stalk your prey. You've gotta be smart: find out where they live, find out their habits - what's their hobbies, what they like, what type of food they like. Even if you pull it off perfectly, you crackers got motives. The 'po-po'
Kurt (whispers to Dale): "That means police."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "...will still put it to you."
Nick: "We all have clear motives for killing our bosses, so this is not gonna work - this is garbage."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "Why don't you kill each others bosses?"
Kurt: "That's actually a good idea. Yeah like Hitchcock's 'Strangers on a Train,' right?"
Dale: "The Danny DeVito movie - it's a funny one!"
Kurt: "The famous Alfred Hitchcock/Danny DeVito movie..." (slaps Dale) "that's the one."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "Most killers are first timers. You want to pull off a brilliant murder, you've gotta act like it's an accident. If you do it right, you ain't even gotta be there when it goes down."
Nick: "How are we supposed to fake three accidents?"
Dean 'MF' Jones: "You stalk your prey. You've gotta be smart: find out where they live, find out their habits - what's their hobbies, what they like, what type of food they like. Even if you pull it off perfectly, you crackers got motives. The 'po-po'
Kurt (whispers to Dale): "That means police."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "...will still put it to you."
Nick: "We all have clear motives for killing our bosses, so this is not gonna work - this is garbage."
Dean 'MF' Jones: "Why don't you kill each others bosses?"
Kurt: "That's actually a good idea. Yeah like Hitchcock's 'Strangers on a Train,' right?"
Dale: "The Danny DeVito movie - it's a funny one!"
Kurt: "The famous Alfred Hitchcock/Danny DeVito movie..." (slaps Dale) "that's the one."
Kurt: "He looks like James Bond!"
Dale: "He really does, dude! I bet he carries one of those guns that you screw together...like the coolest guns they make, man!"
Nick: "This is so dangerous - what if that's an undercover cop? Or better yet, what if it's the real thing and he charges so much money, we can't afford it, he gets pissed off and kills us!"
Dale: "That's not gonna...he kills one of us?! Hold on - could that happen?"
(Not a Hitman knocks)
Nick: "Gotta let him in now."
Kurt: "How's my hair?"
Nick: "What do you mean, how's my hair?!"
Kurt: "It doesn't matter...okay, let's do this."
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